What happened to Bisky

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Getting everyone used to my new icon :p

Ugh.

So, I’m one of those people who tends to trust people kinda blindly. It doesn’t seem to matter what happens, I tend to get blinded somewhere along the line. I like to think that my innocence isn’t complete ignorance and that everyone has real good in them… I don’t think I’m going to stop thinking that any time soon. Because it hasn’t always been a bad thing, it just keeps getting me into trouble.

When I was 19 I fell in love with a guy and moved to his country and tried to learn his language (I suck at languages, other than English :p) Just before my 24th birthday in October I realised that the way he was treating me wasn’t healthy or very nice. When I bounced, he bagged up all my possessions and threw them away. Which included a lot of the writing projects I’d been working on for the last four years and a couple of novels,(everything I’d been silly enough not to save to the cloud.)

I turned up at my nan’s in the UK with £50 in my bank account, two t-shirts, jeans, a jumper, my chrome book and my ipad. I spent up until late November sleeping on a couch, fighting a severe infection in my kidneys that decided to materialise because the universe wanted to give me a good kicking.

Gotta say, If my parents weren’t so supportive…I’d be in big trouble. I’ve not been left with much, but I’m gonna make use of what I have and work really hard. I’ll get back on my feet. I know it.

Have I kept writing? When I can, it’s been a bit rough. But honestly, even after everything I feel so much better. I’m no longer suppressed and I’ve noticed the stories and characters I’m coming up with aren’t as dark as they were before. I decided to stay away from Twitter and things, bar my instagram post, just because I was kinda mentally exhausted.

But I’m ready to return, my muse is back, it wants to write. It wants me to make some awesome inspirational tweets. And most of all it wants me to publish A Dance With Fury.

Watch this space.

<3

Inspiration Day!

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When I know I’m going to have an intense period of writing I have an inspiration day in the week before. I know some people are going to be doing CampNaNo this July. So maybe you’ll find something useful :]

I had one of these a few weeks ago, and I know I’ve not been around as much recently. But all shall be revealed soon! *waves hands magically*

An inspiration day is where I take a day out to focus on the task ahead. Gather and prepare things to get ready for a long writing stint. If you’re working on one project for long enough you’ll start to wilt, you’ll inevitably hit a wall. So I like to top up my levels of inspiration to help me climb over them. I find that mental blocks, when it comes to writing, can be pretty devastating on not only my progress but my morale. After all you’re sitting in front of a blank page and at those times when you can’t think, it just seems to stretch on forever.

One of the first things I do is to create a new playlist that accurately reflects the novel as a whole, its ups and downs. I can’t write without music. It’s something very important to my creativity. My most recent playlist is on YouTube and you can check it out if you want.

I spend some time looking through movie trailers. They are a massive source of inspiration for me. A movie trailer usually incorporates all of the epic and hugely emotional points in the films. And especially with SciFi recently, I find the trailers are much better than the films. It’s a way I use to get a feel for what I’m about to write. What would my trailer look like? Are there any similar? Daydreaming is our biggest tool as writers.

I find that bingeing on classics is a great way to boost my confidence when I’m about to start writing. I know some people find reading really great books intimidating, but I like to look at what’s great about the book. Why do I like it? It gives me something to aim for. I usually start about a month before I know I’m going to start writing something new. Then when it comes to my inspiration day, I can reflect on the scenes that most stood out to me. I wonder how I can write to create a similar feeling.

In the morning I like to go outside and take a walk. Even if it’s raining. Where I live there is lots of forest. I’ll probably want to lock myself away while I’m writing, and I know I’ll probably be spending lots of time either staring at a screen or the pages of a notebook. So I like to go outside and just listen to the forest hum for a while. I sometimes do it while I write, but I’m a binge writer. I usually get the main chunk of word count down in a few days. So it’s a nice time to relax and get ready just before it starts.

And that’s my inspiration day! You probably have a different process before you start writing, and I’d love to hear it! Maybe you found something that will help you :]

Good luck!

“The First Draft of Anything is Shit”

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Finding the perfect place to write helps a lot.

Write now. Edit later.

There is a little problem with that mantra that I’ve discovered. And a Bisky shall write about it!

It’s along the same lines as this one: Write drunk. Edit sober (– Often attributed to Ernest Hemingway) But I don’t think that this was meant to be taken literally. Though, lots of writers do like a good drink. You’re less likely to have inhibitions when you write drunk (or do anything drunk, obvs) You’re less likely to be uber critical of yourself, fear is less likely to hold you back.

I’m convinced fear is at the root of most bad writing – Stephen King

In other words, don’t think. Just write now. Edit later.

But there seems to be a problem when people read what they’ve written. When it comes to the actual ‘Edit later’ part. The writing just wasn’t what you thought it was. The excitement of finishing a novel fades in a wave of anger, tears and crumpled pages.

But you know, I’ve honestly never looked at a first draft and thought…

Well, this is awful. Where’s my lighter?

I’ve noticed on Twitter a lot of people get very upset over their first draft. But the thing is, I think there might be too high of an expectation of what a first draft has to be.

A first draft isn’t a refined, publishable, lump of word count that all the world will understand.

It’s a huge bundle of your ideas you’ve managed to get on paper. Thoughts that you’ve managed to put in physical form. I personally think that’s something to be celebrated. It’s like you’re making a stain glass window. Now you’ve cut all the colours into shape, you just have to put them together, then polish it.

I showed a bit of the first draft of A Dance with Fury on my website for a while. I got messages from some people who really liked it, but others who complained about the info dumps and poor editing. And some other negative messages about my skills as a writer.

But those people who sent me those messages seemed to have skipped over the point of it being a first draft. It was messy. It was overfilled. It was full of continuity errors. It had a huge backstory that didn’t really need to be there.

But if you pull a lump of diamond out of a rock, do you hear about people moaning how ugly it looks?

Naaaah. They celebrate how amazing a find it was, but it doesn’t show its true beauty until it’s been cut and polished. As I look over the first draft of my next book. I can see it’s full of problems. But that’s great. I know how to fix them. I can add around them, gnaw away at issues until they all disappear. I know that I can edit the words, because the words are there. I’ve already written them down.

A first draft is a code that you set yourself to complete the book. You just have to crack it.

You aren’t ever alone. Especially with Twitter. There are people who are going through the same issues as you. There are places to get critique for your work. For instance Calling all Critque and writing forums like the critique folder on my GoodReads forum.

If you love your writing it will be easier to take criticism. But I know it’s easier said than done.

The thing is, you don’t need anyone else’s approval to be a writer. There is no one, perfect writer where everyone enjoys their work. If we all liked the same thing there would only be one type of story. The diversity of indie writing is what I love the most about the world of self-publishing. Sure, not everyone will like it, but don’t deny that person who needs to read your story the chance to.

Building your confidence in writing is just like anything else in life. The more you like it. The more other people will.

Love is contagious.

Guarding Angel

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Click me!

I’m a sucker for a pretty cover. And when I was uploading this onto my Ipad, the cover is what caused me to, ya know, just check the first few pages, just to get an idea of how it is, I mean I haven’t got time to sit all day and…

I read the entire thing.

I’m wondering what I can do to convince you how much I loved this book.

This is one of the most indepth, well researched and well thought through stories I’ve read for a while. It was so immersive that I stayed up all night reading until I finished… (And was reduced to ice cream around 3am)

This had all the elements of a story that I like. History, complex villains, atmospheric fight scenes and foreshadowing that REALLY has me curious about what will happen in the next novel. I rarely read books twice. I get bored too easily. But I will read this again when the next in the series comes out. I’m more excited about this than I am any of the traditionally published series I read. You could say it’s brought out my inner fangirl.

Eneal, is a guardian angel who has to try and protect her ward when demons start to interfere. During the novel the angels and humans meet often and, from the viewpoint of Eneal, you come to realise that the angels have a different thought process that clearly drew a line between them and their human wards. It wasn’t just their wings that caused them to stand out against the humans around them. The clear definition of their morals and exploration of their feelings caused the world to be even more immersive, and I really enjoyed the journey exploring it.

I really loved the descriptions of the place the angels called home. And I found that the passage of time flowed exceedingly well. I’m someone who gets lost easily with time in books, it’s just something that I personally struggle with if the novel spans over a period longer than a few weeks. It can stop the immersion greatly for me if timeskips aren’t done well. I had no problem with this novel, and the changes in the human world were well researched and realistic enough for me to see where the angels would have fit in.

Much urban fantasy recently is based around mythology and gods from ancient cultures. What I really like about this novel was the inclusion of prayer and how it worked to fuel the angels power, regardless of faith. That faith is important, but not who the faith is toward. The small stories that spanned different cultures are something I just loved. And I really wanted more.

I’m a fan of this kind of story, but I often have trouble finding characters as strong as those in this novel. I often find that a lot of the time is taken up describing the world and the magical powers that surrounds it, the character development is often sidelined. In this novel, the balance is perfect and there wasn’t one moment I didn’t enjoy.

I felt I should mention that there is an extremely harrowing scene in this book. I was warned about it by the author but I felt that it has a purpose in the story and there is enough foreshadowing and warning within the novel just before that it wasn’t a shock, and I felt that it had a purpose and although it is hard to read, it showed the moral struggles Eneal could face as a ward.

When it came to the angels influences on the humans, I found the incorporation of prayer and faith quite ethereal and I loved that. The interpretations and unusualness of the different faiths mentioned, the symbolism that’s taken from them and explained throughout the novel was just fascinating and inspired.

I want to shout and scream about how much I loved certain characters, but I can’t without giving spoilers. But AHH, there are some things that are hinted at that I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT HURRY UP AND WRITE IT *Shoves*

I love this book. The complex characters and immersive world were a combination that I can’t wait to be continued.

And it’s released today! Woo.

Justifying Myself

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I am me. That’s all I have to say ’bout that.

I’ve always been pretty lucky that my family has always been supportive of my writing and understood it’s something that I’ve always enjoyed and worked really hard on. Even if they’ve not always agreed on its content. Therefore, it’s hard for me to take anyone else’s harsh judgment of my work really seriously after I’ve read A Dance With Fury’s first fight scene to my Nan:

 “I enjoyed that, dear.”

I’ve never said I am currently writing books for children. I’ve mentioned a couple of times in the future I’d like to do illustrated children’s books. But, I’ve rarely said that on Twitter. And in the future, as in, when I have children who would want to read them. I write adult urban fantasy, and adult horror. Just because I don’t write or like erotica, doesn’t mean my books are aimed at children.

Therefore it’s puzzled me when I got a barrage of tweets from someone who disagreed with swearing on Twitter. Saying I’d lose followers and had no respect for the children on Twitter.

(Why are your children on Twitter?)

I understand that swearing offends people. I have the no-harsh swears rule on my forum because of that. But that really was put in place to stop people from swearing AT each other, should the occasion arise.The person who tweeted me had a lot of followers, a lot more than me. But I think that had less to do with their non-swearing and more to do with the religious content of their tweets. I wouldn’t usually pander to such tweets, in fact they went away after I asked them to stop tweeting me.

(Still, calling me out while having such a large following isn’t very nice. It gives an impression to their followers that I’m something I’m not.)

But the reason I’ve given this further thought, and even written about it in more than one place is because he was responding to a tweet I’d written about trying to give up on justifying myself to people. I’d written that tweet because I’d just taken a break from writing to justify my ‘impersonal’ marketing techniques to someone. Which, we talked out and he apologised for his tone so it’s no problem. (I still don’t agree I’m impersonal, but there you go.)

But I actually get this a lot.

I’ve blogged before about people questioning my age and the quality of my writing.

There are social commentaries in some of my stories, but I don’t think they are anything offensive to the readers or not already widely discussed. But I try to keep my views away from the internet. My opinions are vast, and I love discussion. I love educating myself about the world and what the real stories beyond the reach of a camera lens. But my Twitter isn’t always the place for that.

However, I refuse to change the way I write, talk or think just because someone else doesn’t like it. If everyone did that, no one would write. Stories would be a bit boring. I don’t mind people spreading their views around me like a nice layer of butter.

I have no desire to become foie gras.

So, I won’t justify myself any longer. I am a writer. I write. I have stories I want to share with people. That’s about it.

I know there are a lot of people out there, whose family see writing as little more than a useless hobby, like collecting stamps. But stories are not stamps. And as passionate as you might be about stamps, a career in stamp collecting isn’t what most people collect stamps for.

Being able to do what you love full time is most writer’s dream. So it can be frustrating to hear someone doesn’t believe in you. But I do. BOY, DO I! I know you can do it. Because, I’m trying to as well. The longer we keep writing, the closer we’ll get there.

x

How Do I Write? Writing Process Blog Tour

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I was just so happy to find this thesaurus in a non-English library xD

So this week the wonderful Melfka tagged me in a blog tour and I’m excited to take part 😀

 What am I working on at the moment?

My first novel A Dance with Fury is with my awesome editor. Soon it will be nice and shiny and ready to be read 😀

It’s a story I’m quite proud of and I like a lot. Currently, I’m planning my next project, which I will start once I’ve moved into my new apartment at the end of the week. Fresh start. Fresh Book.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

 I’m a sucker for those Urban Fantasy books that you find in racks at airports. And for a while it was the only place I could find similar elements to my favourite animes and comic books in -actual- books. (Guns, shapeshifters, magical powers, romance, sexy clothes etc) And most of the time they are padded out with random erotic scenes. Which I’m not particularly fond of.

But I didn’t just want to create a story where magical things happen and it gets all sweaty and gropey. And I’m also a massive fan of horror novels. And I wanted to put the two together.

I know that a lot of urban fantasy, that has hints of romance, are based around Gods and mythology in our world. But I didn’t want it to be set in our world.

So A Dance With Fury is an urban Fantasy set after an epic fantasy that highly influenced the shape of the world. I might eventually write that too, we’ll see.

 Why do I write what I do?

 Because I love it really. That’s the only way that I can explain it. Usually ideas hit me out of the blue and I just roll with it. But I can’t write a story if I don’t love it.

When it comes to A Dance With Fury, I wanted to read a kickass urban fantasy novel with struggle, hurt, terror, and a good chase.

So I wrote it.

How does my writing process work?

 Usually it involves much planning. Either on paper or in my head. A Dance With Fury was formulated on the glass window panes in my History class. When I actually had the free time to write, it exploded out onto my computer in less than a month. But it took a long time to edit it and get it actually legible enough to give it to someone else to check. It’s a learning process, and I feel that I’m getting better every time.

Next Week

I tag these two writers to write next week 😀 and I also have one more space for tagging, if anyone wants to volunteer ^^

Jack Heslop is an English literature student and aspiring critic and writer. He has a critical blog, Heslop’s Cult Corner, on WordPress.

 Nicole Michelle knew from a young age that she wanted to be a writer and always dreamed of success. If she’s not writing her book series, ReiHana, she’s thinking about writing.

The Legacy: Fate – G.G. Atcheson

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Click for a link to the book!

If you don’t know G.G, YOU SHOULD! I was lucky enough to trick her into moderating my forum :3 And she is totally awesome. She asked me if I’d like to read her book and I wanted to as I really quite like a good SciFi novel.

But of course, all Bisky reviews are not bias. And if a Bisky does not like it. A Bisky will just never mention it again as a Bisky doesn’t do negative reviewses.

But Bisky DID like it 😀 A lot. So, here’s a Bisky’s review :3

*

Vampires and aliens! Wait… wut?

There are so many ways that could be interpreted. But this book is a blend of genres that appeals to lovers of both urban fantasy and sci-fi.

The main character is LX or Alex for us, because I’m pretty sure if you tried to pronounce his full name, he’d have to rip out your tongue. Just kidding.

But he crash lands on Earth and finds a type of human he hadn’t expected.

After studying Earthlings, and visiting the planet previously, he had a vast knowledge of the Earth and its inhabitants but he still had a lot to learn about our world. And I felt like I was learning along with him. Alex discovers vampires and leads us through their ways, comparing his and ours, and it works particularly well. He is a sensitive soul, and I enjoyed listening to how his cultural background effected his decisions.

There is something about the way that Alex uses his powers that’s just so enchanting. I really loved every scene where he explored them throughout the novel. The unique characteristics of his race were also something I liked to discover. The world was concise and well thought out, and the initial questions that I had raised about him on Earth, were answered within the novel.

I also liked how Alex’s sustenance played into the plot. The way it weaved into his power set a yin-yang aspect throughout and I sat there thinking about water sources for longer than I should have. There was a darkness to the novel that felt quite ethereal when other worlds were mentioned. I hope in the next novels there are more of an explanation of how the rest of his people use their powers because it’s an aspect I really quite enjoyed.

The love interest of the novel, Mellie, is cute but flawed. And I liked the exploration of her own morals and how they clashed with his. The added complexity by the other characters was another element I wasn’t expecting as the vampires and humans collided. The vampires themselves were still human enough to make them relatable. And I felt for them as the chase began.

The design of Alex’s spaceship was as intriguing as the planet he left behind. I could have squealed with delight at the mention of the small birds of his planet and his usage of the endearing name that came from them.

Oh, that sparked imagination that did.

I really hope that the planet is explored in the next novel because the description of ours is darkly realistic and quite wonderful. I felt myself pulled along more than once. I wasn’t expecting any of the twists in this novel or the direction it took. I liked their relationship, it was human enough for me to put myself in their shoes.

The exploration of humans, vampires and the morals of humans as a subplot worked fantastically well. A wonderful mix of genres that will appeal to both lovers of vampires and spaceships. And I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Using Twitter to Improve Writing!

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Coffee and a Bisky will also improve your writing. Known fact.

Wtf Bisky? Go away *kicks*

No really! *wipes off muddy footprint* I think social media really can help improve your writing!

Well, it has mine. I’m sure of it. After 25k tweets I hope I’ve learnt something.

I think the most important rule to use Twitter successfully is that if you can’t fit it in a tweet.

Don’t tweet it.

I’ve found shuffling sentences around to fit in 140 is a great writing exercise. I love to waffle. Who doesn’t! But it means that I can get my point across quickly without excessive words. And that’s always good. Lots of times I spend far too long on a tweet trying to make it as short as possible. I like to space tweets out too, which gives me even less for words. It’s really handy knowing how to make things short when you want to write something fast paced.

Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t – Bill Nye

And some people really like to drill that home.

I’ve always said one of the best things that aided my writing was a loquacious British mother with a ridiculously large vocabulary. But I can’t spell very well. I have dyslexia but considering I write a large amount every day, I should really spell better. But there was one time when I had lost the spelling of the word: fey.

The character in question was odd, ethereal, uneducated and uninterested in the human world to the point of being a bit of an arse. In the character description I’d also used the word aloof to describe them in that particular situation. And I used the word aloof in the list of words to describe the word I meant, ‘fey’ which I was spelling like fhay and wasn’t being picked up by the spell checker…

Christ, the nastiness.

“ALOOF ISN’T THE SAME THING HERR DERR.”

Lots of people quoting the Google definitions to me. Calling me an idiot. I just wanted the spelling. I don’t see how being a twat about it will teach me a lesson.

But people will jump on any excuse they can to try to show you how much cleverer they are than you. And that is only advantageous! They are spending time trying to irritate you instead of improving their own writing. But still! Let that work for you. Only after so many people screeching at me for confusing it’s and its, have I finally made a system where I can actually get it into my head. I still mess up sometimes though.

I see lots of writers making posts about the simplicity of they’re, there and their. The obviousness of to, too and two. I think there is an assumption that it is lazy people who get them wrong. But just because your technical writing is perfect, doesn’t mean your story is. Which is what it comes down to. Grammar and spelling come easy to you. GREAT! But not everyone is the same. Everyone is a noob at something. I work really hard to get them right. And sometimes it doesn’t work. But that’s ok. There can be hordes of Grammar Nazi’s out there. But let them work for you! Let them find your mistakes and your flaws. That way you can only improve. What looks like confidence crushing negatives can actually be a huge positive in disguise!

For me the story is the most important.

If you only focus on those awkward brushstrokes. You’ll miss the bigger picture.

World Creation

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Gotta love a bit of Marvel in the morning.

I think it’s my love of comic books that makes me a little obsessed with linking my stories together. Cross over universes and secret facts are something I love as a fan-girl.

All of my stories happen within two universes with slightly different physics in each, they never touch. But within those two universes the stories will be referenced in each other. Even if the genre is completely different and the characters never meet because they are on different planets…

Because I love that in story franchises.

But I think it’s really important not to spend so much time planning the world that you forget about the story. I once asked someone about their book, and they said “I’m still working on the maps.”

 Maps are a fun visualisation tool but to pour over minor details in the end, I think, will kill creative mojo. When I first started A Dance with Fury the world map wasn’t figured out or even named. It meant I was able to mould the world around the story first. I think that although maps gives a good indication of time, setting a map straight away can be detrimental to what you need later on.

I think lore is more important first. I have a huge history for A Dance with Fury’s world that’s barely mentioned in the story. But that’s ok, because I have more material if more is asked for later.

Creating a good world sometimes means letting things go.

There are some myths and places I created that I love more than anything, but in the end, I had to snip them out of the book. It was unnecessary bulk and didn’t advance the story. But it’s all things I can save for later. It also meant that a lot of the subplots have complexity to them that would have never existed without the backstories.

I think that it’s important when creating a good universe to remember that there are people who could possibly want to explore and even live inside it. So have everything figured out that they would need to exist. There are a lot of things to think about since most of our cultures are formed around our history. The differences in our own cultures are good examples. And it creates a lot of things to think about, which can be really fun. Arts and languages (as well as things like swears and idioms), phobias, clothing, food, wars and political stability, fundamentalism, bigotry, and disease.  Are all influenced by history and the movement of people around the planet (or planets)

I think figuring out what feel you want to achieve with your book is important. If A Dance with Fury had been high fantasy, the languages and myths I created would have been able to be put inside the book. But A Dance with Fury is an Urban Fantasy, a modern world, set a long time after an epic fantasy had taken place. Maybe one day I’ll write that too. But that’s just something cool I have for later. But for now, it’s Emerald’s story.

And the reader will see as she does. But what has been seen, cannot be unseen.

*Cackles into the night*

Quick Scribbles

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On Monday, I went searching for inspiration. I founds some.

Where have you been Bisky? WHERE?!

About. *Kicks at dust*

But I had my own little NaBiskWriMo and I finished a week ahead of schedule so I’m catching up on things before I start editing.

Like my poor neglected website.

So, Bisky…

How do you get so much down so quickly?

Well, I should say as I explained a little on my forum, things were getting a little much and I just wanted to step back a bit. And when #PitMad came around I thought it was a good opportunity to finish up this novel I’ve wanted to write for a while now. I tried to write while I was in England but I mostly scribbled notes on various books and concentrated on getting well, as the beginning of 2014 was a bit of a disaster health wise

The writing really didn’t start until I was on the plane home.

Wordcounts

People think its pretentious to mention how much you write in a day. But I like to have goals. It works for me and I like to see where I’m going. Also, it’s nice to look back when a really rough day is done and say, “Hey, it was really really hard, but I wrote one thousand words. That’s pretty good.”

Squishyware

I’m finding that Scrivener is pushing my productivity to amazing levels. I alternate between Word, a notebook and Scrivener. But as a nonlinear writer, being able to move between chapters and evening out the plot has been amazing.

I am not a linear writer!

Which I just said. But it’s terribly important because it means I leave the hardest bits till last. I just keep going, when I get stuck, I move to a more interesting chapter. Open up loads of word docs, scribble, then import it all into Scrivener in the end. That’s how all my really productive days happen. Afterall, some days you really don’t want to write about something sad… And some days you just want to kill, kill, KILL!

MOVE

I got STUCK on Tuesday. I KNEW it was going to be hard. So I went to the library. Just being away from my computer was enough to sneeze out 3k into my notebook. I also got some nice tweets, which was good. Because usually when I’m writing my brain JUST focuses on that and I can’t write them. I also went forest wandering in the evening a few times. That’s always helpful.

Forumses

It’s really shown me how awesome it is to have support. I got kind of hung up an opening sentence and it stopped me for the ENTIRE day. My Moderator G.G pointed out the crappy verbs were the problem and BOOM. I rewrote the entire first chapter within the next few hours. Sometimes you just need that little push to get you over a bump.

Know the story

This is a prequel to the first ever novel I wrote. Well… the first novel I wrote is the third in the series so it’s the unwritten prequel’s prequel? I don’t know. *Throws papers in the air* So the characters are there, I know where the story had to be, it was just getting the story down and all the juicy subplots.

They get easier

No, writing doesn’t, every book has its own soul. Writing every one is a different adventure. But I found when I wrote my first novel, something clicked like “It’s finished.” So I strove to get that feeling again. In that way, I knew what to expect, and it made it easier (atleast for me)

It’s far from done. There is some filling that needs to be done while I’m editing it and making it somewhat readable so le best friend can get her claws on it by the end of next week. So, whether you can call it a draft in my strange process I don’t know. But it’s down. It’s there. And it feels like a big weight off me.